More than being troubled by the many uncertainties that come with doing grown-up things, I have been troubled by my sudden incapacity to handle them. Where is that confident child, I ask myself, searching constantly for the memory of a self-assured younger self.
Slowly, slowly, I find the answers. That self only emerges when I am quiet, truly quiet. Not just alone, but when I can watch the stillness within and without. When I can spot the symmetry of pine trees silhouetted against a sunset sky as I stand in rush hour traffic. When I remember the reflection of that symmetry in the workings of my body. Like symmetrical sand ripples marked by random waves and wind and pulls of the moon, life has a way of falling into place.
When I remember these things, I find a certain stillness, standing in a place where I know I can make things work the way I used to. Where a single quiet thought cast out, strong and sure and repeatedly, can pull the waves just as surely as the moon, despite summer storms and capricious winds.
1 comment:
Beautifully put. This evening I was lying out in the verandah, near the swing and reading a book, watching the birds fluttering around me, the leaves dancing in the wind and the clouds floating by. It was so beautiful and took me back to that one room house in Thane, where watching the sky through the window was so soothing - as if the clouds would bring everything that we wanted. Another time, the trees dancing in the wind so fascinated me that i tried making the same movements and enjoyed it so much. Nature is certainly the best place to seek that inner stillness and soothe oneself. Love. Me
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