I've wondered annoyingly long and hard at what point one stops becoming something and simply starts being it.
Some people define this in terms of education. "I have a B.E, I am an engineer."
Others define it by what they enjoy doing. "I am a singer."
And still others by relationships or circumstance. "I am a wife and mother."
For myself, the dilemma is one of both career and identity. I trained as a scientist for nearly a decade, right until I finished my Ph.D. I have written as long as I can remember. And yet, I feel like an impostor when I call myself a writer. I figured getting published would fix the insecurity. It hasn't. At what point do I stop "becoming a writer" and simply start being one?
13 comments:
Does it help if others see you as a writer? Does it get projected to you and light up that part of you more strongly? :)
Perhaps you have a definition of "writer" within you and you feel you haven't matched up to that elusive definition yet?
I don't think it's insecurity...you're just hard on yourself :)
You ARE a writer.
Nee: I don't think the external validation makes much difference- even if other writers consider me one. And I'm not sure what that elusive definition is- perhaps at a very basal level, when I "earn my living" as a writer I will consider myself one :)
Ah.. Time to write that first book!! Write! Write! Write! It will bring the earning and the feeling! The identity to confidently say you are one.. without that hesitation! :)
But talking about being, you are Dr. Do you feel like one? Did being Mrs. make you feel different from being Ms.? These transitions and their sinking in probably just takes a while??
Yes, yes, time to write a book!! :). But you are already earning your living as a writer!
V- I can say confidently that I feel like I graduated :). I identified/ identify with grad students as well as recent grads. Marriage- not quite as sure since I am still figuring out what it means :). But then, I have never greatly identified in terms of relationships so perhaps not unusual again?
N and V- I write about being unsure about being a writer and your solution is to write a book ?!?! Like telling someone- "you don't think you can swim? go jump in the ocean and we'll find out!" :)Crazy girls..
Firstly, I agree with V and N and that if you are unsure about something you have to do it, if only to realize that u can do it. Its only by being thrown into water once or twice (after being trained of course) that one learns to be confident about swimming. ;) And you have trained for several years...
On the subject of "being and becoming" though, I think I would rather stay in the 'becoming' state.
To me, 'being' seems like a state of stagnation. When doing the act is effortless and almost a reflex... but what you really want is to grow, to evolve and to be challenged... to become better constantly !
I doubt that many here would agree but just thought I'll put in a different perspective...
Su- so what if no one agrees? You're among friends ;)
I tend to agree with you to a certain extent- that it's important to constantly grow and become better. To me, becoming implies a certain insecurity of state. Being does not mean one cannot grow better at being. Though perhaps this is in complete contradiction to what this post was about.
Yes ! And it is that insecurity that makes us want to do more and gives us the thrill of doing something right. Its better to stay in that state for as long as possible because as soon as start 'being' a writer, you would probably stop enjoying the process. So all our best wishes for you to become the writer that you want to be... may the evolution continue ! :)
And yes start swimming (metaphorically) without waiting for someone to throw you in the water ... :)
Read Dr Karan Singh's article - the FOUR PILLARS OF LEARNING. He explains the difference between 'having' and'being' so well. It might help you find the answer you are seeking.
Life is about 'being' - when you are what you are, you are there :)
Su- I also think there are different kinds of 'insecurity' associated with both states :). Perhaps a subject for another post.
L- Will check it out :)
Why is it that I didn't get any updates in reply to my comment :( :( looks like I missed a lot of action.. but though late, I am going to still say my bit!! :P
I have to agree with Su about the 'you have been trained.. and no one is pushing you without assessing the situation critically. We are friends and well wishers darling, not someone wanting to push you down a cliff..
Many people who think you can make it are people who read extensively and see your potential and like your style. :)
And as for being and becoming, Su I can understand that the becoming can seem apparently more intensive and like a chase for/towards something..
But as cliche as it might sound to say so in this context, I cant help but quote the Red Queen.. After you have reached the state of being.. " you have to constantly run to just stay where you are"
Once you get there, its not easy either Su.. you need to do your bit to stay on top and afloat and get to the other side. It's certainly not going to be a state of stagnation the way I see it.
Those are my two cents to the discussion.
You should read about impostor syndrome. Not suggesting you have it but letting you know that most people I know go through the exact thoughts you mention here.
Rafiki- I'm familiar with impostor syndrome but yes, I don't suffer from it :). I realize this is a familiar situation for most, hence the question of what makes certain people get that security.
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