An explanation

Saying a well thought-out "no" is perhaps one of the most empowering acts possible. It takes introspection and deep thought and much courage. Despite my tendency to optimism, I believe the capacity to refuse something is just as essential and important as the ability to say yes. This implies, of course, a certain degree of self-realization and maturity in the person involved. The refusal I refer to is not the childish tantrum of a toddler refusing his green peas, nor the denial of the eternal pessimist who believes nothing is possible.

No is the stand of a person who has seen two paths and made a choice. It is not an thoughtless process- "here I am, let me pick one and see where it goes. Why think about this?", nor is it the un-choice of the person who drifts with the tide, "Yeah, let me just see where life takes me, maybe it will work out." No is the choice of the teenager to stand up to peer pressure. It is the refusal of a person to take on more work to keep everyone around happy. It is the stand of the woman who is not afraid to take time for herself away from her family. It is the choice of the person who refuses to bend to circumstance just because it exists.

Just as important as voicing the refusal is enabling another to voice it. Perhaps the parent who has raised a child capable of saying no is a better person to explain this. In my mind, raising someone to a level of self-awareness where they have both the knowledge and strength to refuse something is an act of power. This is not always welcome, of course, since any extreme growth comes with pain. And even if the refusal is directed at the parent/ teacher, there must be, somewhere, some measure of pride that they have raised a human being who knows their mind and is unafraid to use it.

And yet a refusal rarely makes sense to the person on the receiving end. "Why must I go through this pain and this struggle?" asks the hurt voice. If there is a purpose, perhaps it is this. This was never about you. You were meant to teach someone else something about themselves, give them a degree of knowledge and strength they did not have before they met you.