The voices in my head..

..echo and bounce around in the silence. I listen to them all as they make their pitches.

There are women, many of them. One loves her husband and cries when he goes on work trips, even for a few days. She likes simple things- clothes, movies, eating out, spending time with friends. The other cries over her lost husband, and worries over where her jewelry is stored, whether it is safe. Left to herself, she could wish endlessly for days gone to return. The third lazes her days away, and tells me I lack experience, to take everything I am told with a pinch of salt. There are men, just as many. In them, I hear only undertones. hear the doubt in one's voice as he asks me what I plan to do, where I plan to go. I hear disapproval in the other. Why can't you be a professor? Why are you wasting your life like this? Do you know what you are doing?

I hear all of these-
Admiration
Unspoken envy
Doubt
Disapproval
Fear
Uncertainty

What I don't hear is a voice worth following. What I don't hear is a voice I can trust. I miss the voice that I used to follow on leaps of faith. I miss the sound of my confident silences.