Friday, November 16, 2012
Death
Don't worry, this isn't the start of a sixteen year old's poem with a Big Noun title. It's a simpler question.
Suddenly death seems to loom larger in my life- people around me are growing older, and bad things tend to happen to grown-ups rather often, it seems. There are accidents and cancer and scary diseases that go undetected, and in the last two years, five people I shared different parts of my life with are gone. Relatives, teachers, friends, acquaintances. And there are those that count their lives in the ticking clock of chemotherapy.
And I'm curious, how do you deal with it? Do you hold the ones near you closer, do you feel icy fingers slipping over your own time on the planet? Do you race faster to the end, since you don't know quite when it will be? Do you belittle your own problems in the light of these bigger ones? How do you honor their memory and make them count without losing a little of yourself in this slip-sliding count-up or down or whatever it is you call the march of time?
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3 comments:
I wish it were a 16 year old's poem cos then there would be simpler questions but in this case, all of the above I guess. Seeing other people's problems, I find my own problems belittled and then I use the realization that time is limited to do everything to race to the end - holding on to the ones I care.
That's a loaded question. I lost 3 dear people within a seven month period when I was in college. My best friend, a family friend I'd known since I was 4, and my grandfather. Death changed me. I was angry and depressed for a long time, and then just numb. This coming February will mark the 10 year anniversary of my best friend's death. I have no idea how I got past it... just one day at a time, one foot infront of the other, praying to God that her investment in my life not be in vain. I wish she were here now to see what a difference she made.
Time is a great healer and I believe everyone has to go through the 5 stages of grief (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/K%C3%BCbler-Ross_model). But this is a personal journey, there is no recipe for it. In my personal experience I have found writing about all the happy times I spent with the person helps me. It helps me cherish them and celebrate them. I don't ever show others what I write and in many cases I do this multiple times. Sometimes even years after their death. Also, I believe a part of you will always be there with them. That part does not die with them but becomes a part of your memory bank.
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