Littered through my drafts folder are 7 posts between the last one and this. I've been meaning not to write about certain things, subjects I deemed too personal or too repetitive to bring up here, where I come to learn and introspect and scream, and sometimes brood over the ways events may be remembered or forgotten.
And yet, perhaps I should write about these for that same reason. Little significances, like learning the value of a good night's sleep. And a multi-vitamin, and calcium. (Really- whatever else you do or do not do, get your calcium.) Taking five minutes a day to breathe. Taking the time to be kind, rather than being impulsively truthful. (Just because someone asks for the truth doesn't mean they can handle it, particularly when your 'truth' is different from theirs.)
Facing my fears. Having difficult conversations.
Taking big leaps of faith. It will all work out in the end.
Feeling nearer resolution, of what sort I am still unclear. But it makes me stronger, and surer of my actions, and kinder with myself and others. When summer rolled around this year, it still carried the memory of an ice storm in Niagara Falls, and my uncle visiting. And the smell of cherries still takes me back to a dark highway crash in Washington, as does a certain make of car I spot far too frequently on my morning commute. And these small darknesses flicker too strongly through those seven unpublished drafts.
Though it is years since I thought of seasons or events in black or white, this summer has been unusually filled with these shadows, perhaps of change that flits between the bright and dark. Perhaps they only lurk as they wait for a different season, a season where shadows belong and can step into clear light. And when they will, perhaps they will bring explanatory, resolutionary, interesting words with them to share.
I've been meaning not to write, as I wait with open mind and blank space for these.
1 comment:
Somehow, instead of saying, "Been there, done that", I have to say "I am there - exactly where you mentioned". Trying not to write because somethings are too personal, dark or repetitive. The only difference is that I don't even have posts in the drafts folder. I am not even sure what i am waiting for or what the little significances are - I am scared even to take Calcium everyday for the risk of stones. For some reason, there are more shadows than I can deal with, right now. The only assurance is that atleast by the laws of physics, it means that there is light around - somewhere. I hope i find it. And i hope, the shadows of the past fade for you as you step into a new day.
Looking forward to times when you write, meaning to write.
PS - I know the comment presents me to be more depressed than i am but i think i am just confused.
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