My days of late have filled themselves without my noticing it really. For someone (like me) capable of over-reacting hugely to the tiniest annoyance, I would have expected to notice this. The days overflow with tasks at work, chores at home and desperate attempts to organize. Suddenly, I have no time to garden. No time to harvest tomatoes and basil, or watch the chrysanthemums put out new shoots. I have no time to think or feel my way to words in this space.

And yet it is not this lack of time that bothers me, but the abundance of doubt that fills it. Too many conflicting ideas, of what priorities at work should be, of who I am and what I'm doing with my time. Attempting to sort through the tangled skeins only makes me trip over the one thread that holds taut and strong through the mess.

I am drawn back to one of my favorite quotes. To paraphrase, who is the worse off: he who has never seen the light, or he who saw it and went blind, and now only has the memory of light?

Yes, that is an over-dramatic representation of the situation. I wish I had the time, and the confidence, to lay out my tangled web better than this. Perhaps this post is a first step to figuring it out.