Too much in the recent past is unexplained, and I struggle to find answers, even as I feel ashamed to be so expressive in this space. There are others who wonder and hurt far more deeply than I ever wish to, children and parents, lovers and wives and friends. In lieu of greater comfort, I rediscovered this:
“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books that are now written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.“
— Rainer Maria Rilke
2 comments:
You write with such fluid grace and expressive power that none could ever expect you to feel a sense of shame for doing so. Like many writers, you write in words the clusters of emotions that you feel now with the loss of your friend. And that is just as it should be.
Sudden, unexpected loss imposes a logic on the mind that is always difficult to accept. I spoke to a work colleague on a Friday afternoon, for instance, and we agreed to speak further on Monday morning. When I went to his work area and inquired about him on Monday, I was told that he died over the weekend. My mind could not accept that, and I kept thinking, “But we agreed to discuss the project today.” The mind cannot comprehend disappearance.
I suspect that the hopes and dreams that your friend shared with you when she was planning her life have now become inextinguishable stars in your memory. May you always cherish the joy of your friendship with that woman. And may your days of sorrow be few.
William- thank you, for stopping by, the words and the beautiful wish.. and I wish you the same, the loss of a familiar face is always hard to get past.
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